Time to put this Salmon to bed...

So, the polls are closed, or something, and since this is my dictatorship, this is one contest where there will be no recounts. So, without further fanfare, let's get to it, boppers.

Shane Bailey seemed pretty damned determined to win this contest - his entries accounted for 50% of all received by the deadline. Then again, I only received four entries, so it's not like Shane doesn't have a life. For his first entry, Shane sent something rather scary: a search engine dedicated to searching about fish. So, if you have any fish-related needs, I'm guessing Fishbase is the place to go. For his second entry, Shane sent in a story:

Used and Abused: A Fish Tale

Three fish swimming around in the Ocean, one is a Tuna named Charlie, one is a Blowfish named Sad Sack, and the last one is a Flounder named Rounder.

Sad Sack: Did you guys here Aquaman is even using Plankton now?

Charlie: Man, that's a new low even for him.

Rounder: King of the Seas, psshhhh. Yeah right. He calls us his people, but he doesn't really care. All he does is use us.

Sad Sack: Yeah no kidding. I used to be a proud blowfish and could scare off any animal coming my way. Now look at me...I'm all deflated. And it's all because of him.

(flashback)

Sad Sack: I was swimming along minding my own business when I saw him swim buy charging at a group of divers. Next thing I know I hear his voice in my head and I'm charging along with him straight at the divers. Me...I'm not a fighter...I'm a lover, but there I am charging away. Next thing I know I'm taking a harpoon meant for him and saving his life and I don't even know why.

(end flashback)

Sad Sack: I'm telling you I was mind controlled. That man is pure evil.

Charlie: That's a real sad story Sad Sack.

Rounder: Boo!

(Sad Sack tries to puff up, but goes flying off panel due to the hole in his side.)

Sad Sack: Very funny guys.

Rounder: I had a run in with Aquaman too.

(another flashback)

Rounder: I was with this school of fish heading to find something to eat when all of a sudden we turned and started charging at this big black helmet with red eyes. We just kept swimming into it over and over. Look at me. I lost a fin during the panic.

(end flashback)

Rounder: Now all I can do is swim in circles and I can't even see where I'm going since my eyes are on the wrong side.

Charlie: Did I ever tell you about the time I was caught?

Rounder: Nah, man. What happened?

(flashback)

Charlie: Well there was this huge net coming toward us so we all started screaming and swimming the other way as fast as we can. Then along comes this dumb ass dolphin and starts heading straight toward us wondering what all the commotion was. You know how curious they are, gets them into trouble all the time. Their as bad as humans. Anyway, the dolphin plows into us pushing most of us back into the net and we all get tangled up. The dolphin is screaming his head off calling for Aquaman to save him, so we all start joining in. Well, Aquaman shows up all right, but what does he do? He saves the dolphin and leaves us to fend for ourselves. The only reason I survived is that I landed on top of everyone else when they dumped us out and I was able to flop back into the sea. I lost most of my family that day.

(end flashback)

Sad Sack: That bastard.

(a Orange blur swims by)

Charlie: Shit, not again!

Still, for all his efforts, Shane's only the runner-up. But for such dedication, I'm going to send him something. What, I do not know yet. But I'll think of something.

Instead, a somewhat fresh copy of Salmon Doubts will be finding its way to Nate Atkinson, for embracing the goal of this contest in a way that I hadn't expected:

Here is a link to a website devoted to my favorite band, as led by a Mr. Pat Fish, AKA the Jazz Butcher. The site contains audio files galore, Since it is your intention to hip an audience to something special, I thought I'd do the same for you.

I listened to the music at the link, and I haven't decided if it's for me or not. But, I love being exposed to new things, and I love the sentiment behind the entry, so send me your snail mail address, Nate, and I'll get this thing off to you in the near future.

Also, time's running out on the Scott Pilgrim contest at Peiratikos, so get cracking on those. I still have to get cracking on mine...