The "what the hell are you going on about that for?" meme thing, more self-indulgent stuff, and some links buried at the bottom..

Actually, let's get the links out of the way first. There aren't many, because I'm tired.

• Graeme fills in for the still honeymooning Shawn Hoke with a look at Or Else on the poetic tip. His regular column went up, too.

• I didn't get to it before, but A. David Lewis has an interesting primer for comics terminology directed at the fanboy set. Which is good, considering people still don't understand simple things like "criticism," yet are fully aware of nuanced language like, say, "taintpunching." Christ.

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Alright, memeing. Damn you, ADD. THIS IS THE LAST MEME FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. Or until I get bored.

But this one is kind of intersting, and I'm kind of self-centered, so it's a perfect fit.

List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can't really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), "Nice. Nice. Not thrilling...but nice.".

1. Spectator sports. Honestly, this is the biggie. I've never, ever understood the fascination people have with sports. Why do you pick your favorite team/player? How do you remember random numbers on how the 1978 Pittsburgh Pirates performed? Does yelling at the screen help in any way? Why the fuck do we televise five hours of cars going around in circles, and then how do you pick your favorite driver? You can't see them! And unless you really, really like Tide or some shit, it can't be the sponsor, right? How does three hours of that maintain your interest without plot, characterization or theme? I can watch basketball sometimes, but that's very quick and then it's like watching dance or something. Oh, and martial arts. But the football/baseball/hockey/racing thing? Right over my head.
2. Foreign films with subtitles. Two of my friends are college professors who teach a film class, and they love some foreign films. I do, too, but it helps me so much to have the film dubbed. I know, I know, that makes me bad. I just feel like I miss out on visual things when I'm reading subtitles.
3. Tech-geek stuff. Now, I have a satellite radio, but that was kind of a necessity. I've got this friend West who's deep into the gadgetry--Treos, projectors, other things I don't understand... I love listening to him talk about it because he totally gets and gets off on those things but, man, I just... I mean, new shit comes out all the time. It's got to get expensive. And I still haven't figured out all the features on my cell phone, which I only got a year or two ago.
4. "Jam bands," or whatever you call them. Some of my friends outside comics--including my younger brother--and maybe some of my friends in comics are big on those things. Will, to his credit, only vibes on the Grateful Dead for familial reasons, but others are into Phish and whatever other bands there are. To me, it sounds like what jazz would sound like if jazz decided to suck harder than Kenny G.
5. Clinging to college drinking games. Occasionally, I still get together with my boys from college (not often enough, sadly). Here's the thing, though--they still insist on playing beer pong, asshole, or whatever other games people play to drink more. I didn't even like that when I was in college. Of course, this could have something to do with the fact that I'm utter shit in the way of any competitive game not revolving around trivia. Now, I'll play, just to stay involved, but I don't get into it.

To add to the list, here's five things I can't understand why some people I roll with don't go all gaga over:

1. Hip hop. I just don't get why people don't go apeshit when they hear Slick Rick, KRS-One, Common, the Roots, De La Soul, Mos Def, and tons of other MCs and groups.
2. Comics that don't revolve around superheroes (or, on the same note, comics aren't done by people who'd really rather be doing superheroes). Again, this is an obvious one.
3. Jazz music. Again, how do you not go nuts over Mingus, Parker, Davis, Monk and countless other brilliant fucking musicians? ARGH!
4. Asian food. Outside of my wife, no one in my new in-law related family will eat the stuff. Why can't they see that it tastes much better than the meat/fish-potato product-corn trinity of bland that they eat almost daily?
5. Musicals. Seriously. How can you not love Guys and Dolls? Or Cabaret? A Chorus Line? Bastards have no joy in their hearts.

And if I'm going to be a totally self-indulgent wanker, here's the "three french hens" thing also stolen from the thuggish, ruggish Doane:

TEN random things about me:

10. Like Alan, I have a terribly keen sense of smell, of which smoking for eight years hasn't cured me--it still remains an almost burdensome sensory experience.
9. If I had a bunch of free cash, I'd likely be covered from neck to ankles with tattoos, with some space left bare for aesthetic purposes. Right now, I have four tattoos, but one of them took over 24 hours to do. And I'm down to four piercings, not counting my ears because I can't wear earings in them without the holes stretching back out to the size of the half-inch spacers that used to be in them.
8. There are some movies I have memorized from beginning to end.
7. Thanks to the odd life skills my father taught me, I can pick locks and get out of handcuffs without thinking about it.
6. When I was little, I'd dream about Freddy Krueger. Except, instead of trying to kill me, we'd play chess and talk about books. In fact, the only horror movie that gave me nightmares was Troll, which may be the most embarassing thing that I'll ever admit.
5. There's never been a dog that wasn't friendly towards me. At least, as of yet.
4. Speaking of dogs, I sing songs to all my dogs, regardless of where I am or who's with me. Yes, even to the deaf one, who still looks at me like I'm a moron despite the fact that he can't hear how moronic I really am. He's smart like that.
3. I'm still not used to being married, or to living out in the middle of nowhere. It's probably why I spend so much time talking comics on-line.
2. I'm terribly introverted, and have to force myself to be extroverted--often, obnoxiously so--to get by in social situations.
1. I could read before I was potty trained. Admittedly, I potty trained late--embarassingly late--but I was reading by two.

NINE places I've visited:

I'm a shit traveller, so...

9. NYC.
8. Sauk Centre, Minnesota (boyhood home of Sinclair Lewis!)
7. Philadelphia, PA
6. Pittburgh, PA
5. Orlando, FL
4. Panama City, FL
3. Detroit, MI
2. Washington, D.C.
1. I've actually run out of places, I fear, but since I drive everywhere, there's probably points in-between I could mention.

EIGHT things I want to achieve in life:

8. Like Graeme, I want to learn to ride a bike. I've never learned.
7. I'd like to write some stories, books and/or poems that I like for more than five minutes.
6. At least one moment of pure bliss.
5. At least one moment of gut-wrenching sorrow.
4. Get my Masters and, eventually, my PhD.
3. Help someone else achieve greatness.
2. Meet more of the beautiful fuckers I've met on-line.
1. If I'm to stay in this general region, I'd like to find something to keep me amused.

SEVEN ways to win my heart:

7. Know your shit. I don't care if your shit isn't my shit, but if you can talk for hours about something and hook me because you have it down, I'm yours.
6. Moreover, be passionate about something.
5. Show me new and wonderful (or grotesque) things. Amaze me.
4. Tell me when I'm being an asshole or an idiot. I like honesty.
3. Gain the trust of my dogs.
2. Never, ever kiss my ass for any reason. Well, figuratively. If literal butt kissing is your thing, that doesn't bother me quite so much.
1. Be yourself. God, that sounds Chicken Soup for the Soulish more than Polonius when phrased that way.

SIX things I believe:

6. That all social interactions, to some extent, mirror canine pack mentality and/or high school social strata, which probably indicates some primeval mammalian societal law.
5. That language has power and beauty, from the most polished prose to "improper" colloquial phrasing and from the pretty words to the vulgar.
4. That one can manifest change through sheer will.
3. That cience is can be art, and art can be science.
2. That hallucinogenic drugs saved me from needing therapy for a few years.
1. That Ally McBeal was great fucking television.

FIVE things I'm afraid of:

5. I fear my wife's inevitable breakdown when our one dog dies, as he is absolutely without question her dog.
4. Getting old and, more specifically, getting Alzheimers.
3. Honestly? Not being liked. Yeah.
2. That my marriage will fail, meaning that I spent five years or so in the sticks for nothing.
1. Medical things--specifically, being in a hospital, having blood taken or having blood pressure taken.

FOUR of my favorite things:

4. Learning new things.
3. Books of all types.
2. Black coffee.
1. My dogs.

THREE things I do everyday:

3. Drive somewhere. Anywhere.
2. Pee! I've a bladder like someone who pees a great deal.
1. Drink coffee.

TWO things I'm not trying to do right now:

2. Watch As The World Turns with my wife. My soap operas are better.
1. Dwell on the potential for some bad news.

ONE person I want to see right now:

1. My little brother.